I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
