Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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