...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
