The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's official drugs can't kill me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
