Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize