You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
