Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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