your room smells of hookers.
And success
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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