Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize