I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
