Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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