i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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