I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
