Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
