We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
