Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
