The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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