Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
