It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
