Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
