He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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