I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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