No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
