This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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