a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
