I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
