I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
