her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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