your room smells of hookers.
And success
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
