yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
