i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
