those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
