So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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