who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
