never play flip cup with pint glasses
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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