Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
