How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
