he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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