only you would photoshop your dick
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize