Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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