The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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