I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Randomize
