I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
