his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He shit in the fireplace
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
