Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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