Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
