how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
