How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
