mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
