i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
