And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
