Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
