I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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