I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's blow job season.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize