I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
