My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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