She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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