he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
