Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
