I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
