the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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