I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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