thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
