I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize