Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
