You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
