He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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