dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
