Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
