I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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