Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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