my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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