Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
