she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
