I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
