I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
