One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
